So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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