Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
