i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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