i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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