we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
