I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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