i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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