Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
