You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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