At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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