i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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