If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
