Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
