Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
