the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
