Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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