the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
