omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
