I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
