When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
