She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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