I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
