if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
