I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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