Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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