She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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