I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
