Sry I called you an 8
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
