3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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