And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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