Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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