Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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