Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
