were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
