i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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