WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
