Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
