My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
