my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
