I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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