May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
