Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
