we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
