Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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