I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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