I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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