is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
