I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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