Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
