Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
