I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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