Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
