Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
