Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
