Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
