mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
