Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
